It’s been far too long since I’ve put pen to paper, but I’ve been feeling the itch lately, and it’s time to scratch it.
First and foremost, moving to Mexico is still the best decision I’ve ever made, and I’d be lying if I said I missed my old life. The opportunities I’ve had, and continue to have, astound me almost daily. Since I’ve been living across the border (you know, in the land of rapists and murderers), I’ve been part of a nude photo series, the star of a lingerie video short by Gianluca Fellini, a sexy server for La Pocha Nostra, personal assistant to a former opera singer turned club owner (the unmatchable Lady Zen), an organizer for a Christmas charity auction, a freaking business owner!, and a myriad of other events.
I’ve learned my native language more than I’ve ever thought I could, and although I’m nowhere near fluent, I am so proud of myself for the progress I’ve made and continue to make. My boss even refers to me as his “bilingual employee” and I beam with pride every time I hear him say it. In just the last few weeks I’ve been noticing my progress after feeling like I hit a plateau.
And the world travel I’ve been able to accomplish – don’t get me started!! (But yes, I will write about it soon.)
At this moment, I’m on a plane, sipping on some cheap white wine, on my way to my next adventure, and you’ll never guess where I’m going – Idaho. That’s right, I’m going back from whence I came, but only temporarily. To me, it’s an adventure because I do not want to be going back, for a number of reasons.
- I don’t want to say goodbye to my friend.
- I don’t want to be in the US for this long (1 ½ months).
- I don’t want to be gone from Isadorah (my bloodhound).
- I don’t want to leave my shop.
- I don’t want to leave the house I just painstakingly organized and cleaned for the first time in the history that I’ve lived there.
- I don’t want to spend the money to go back there.
But guess what? This is life. And life doesn’t always give a shit about what you want and don’t want. I learned that yesterday when it felt like everything was against me. (Well, I mean, I’ve learned that many times over as we all have, but you know, I want the drama factor here.)
Let me backtrack for just a moment, if you will.
Recently an amazingly brilliant friend decided she wanted to “go with the flow” in her life rather than try to control everything. Commendable to be sure, but how does one who lives by their calendar accomplish such a feat? By doing it. In the moment she made this decision, so many little annoyances occurred, and she was given the option to be upset by these annoyances, or take a breath and go with it. In her infinite wisdom and overall personality, she rode that crazy train until things went smoothly for her. I wasn’t surprised because she’s incredible, to begin with, but I was definitely inspired.
In the last year (more or less, I don’t fucking know) I feel as though I haven’t been as “go with the flow” as I used to be, and as I’d like to be. I can’t pinpoint when or why it happened, but I know it has happened. I also know myself and know that I can get back to that. I know my mentality. I know my family’s mental history. I know that I’m prone to extreme ups and downs, and I really do strive to control these emotions. But. It. Is. Fucking. HARD.
The build-up to this trip has been… how can I put this… well, I’ve been fighting it. I’ve been fighting it tooth and nail, in my own brain, and that’s been creating this wall of resistance to my everyday life. I don’t think I realized how powerfully it was affecting me until all these inconsequential little things started happening all day, erryday.
First of all, let me set the stage. I felt motivated to get my home cleaned up so my friends could stay there comfortably while watching my fur-child. I spent time scheduling plumbers, electricians, mechanics, clients, hair cutters extraordinaire, in the last 3 weeks hoping to have it all done before I left my home. I felt responsible, organized, confident, and ready to leave, albeit against my will. (Keep in mind folks, ultimately this was my idea!!) And then, and then yesterday happened. I locked the keys in the house. No worries, homeboy has another set that I can grab. Then every single thing I had scheduled got pushed back, moved around, canceled, forgotten, and then – AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH! FUCK THIS!
Yeah, I kinda lost it. I’ll be honest, I even punched a door and that’s some 16-year-old Barbara bullshit. I’m not proud of my behavior, nor am I ashamed. I reached out to people, individually, as well as on this 8th wonder-of-the-world we call social media, and asked for a little support. As usual, I got it in spades. I was able to take a breath, take stock of my surroundings, remember that it wasn’t the end of the world, and then let it all go.
So here I am, on this adventure, on my third airplane of the day, after many, many glasses of wine and travel delays, because isn’t that what life is? A series of Choose-Your-Own-Adventure series? And don’t you have to live with the consequences, whether positive or negative, depending on your choice? Yeah, that’s exactly what it is. And yesterday I made the decision to not look at this upcoming/happening trip as a burden, but rather another adventure on this path of mine. I embrace these next few months, and all they entail. And I have to give my undying gratitude to those who made this happen. I’m actually really fucking excited.